It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there was a trapeze. enough said
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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