next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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