Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
