I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
