Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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