Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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