A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
