Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
