where am i from again
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
