mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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