thus making me awesome and them whores
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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