Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
