Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
