I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
