I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
