break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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