We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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