the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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