so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i believe in u and ur pee
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