its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
