Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
