I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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