I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
