so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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