I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
