What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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