I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
