how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
