The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
