I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
