I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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