Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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