I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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