Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
