So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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