I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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