guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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