There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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