it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
