There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
