You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?