the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down