I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
