Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.