I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
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He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth