I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he just fucked me for my cheese..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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