Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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