You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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