Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
