She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
