Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
