You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
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God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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