I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
