I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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