He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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