I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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