uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
