Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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