Kiss
Puke
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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