I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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