we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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