I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
