If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
