I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
