hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
