i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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