then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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